The space between.
Tears rolled down my face. This time, no sleeve to wipe away my snotty nose, just sad music blaring in the background like the diner scene in a movie at the very moment the plot, -and the whole story changes. Except this time, it’s no movie or some vague way for me to distract myself from the reality of change. This time it’s real. It’s my life, and it has changed. You might wonder why I did not use my sleeve to wipe my nose this time. Well frankly, if I was wearing a long sleeve, here where I was now, I would be the donkey, reincarnated in the Ice-age with no sweater on, but in reverse. Denial, at its best.
Sipping my wine, and listening to the wind blowing through the chimes that are hanging just off-center from my magnificent view of the ocean. Ahhh, this is life… or is it?! Dum, dum, duuuuuuuum… it sirens, in the back of my mind when I mute my playlist so that I can try to concentrate on what I am typing, for you. That was not the chimes, but instead the daunting sound of life, and in my case, my new life. You may ask, why is my new life sounding like an alarm bell bluntly ignored in movies, right before (excuse my French) the shit hits the fan?. I sigh and thank God it isn’t literally real shit, even thou there is a fan. […insert Onlyfans joke]. Well, my friend, my answer might seem simple but isn’t. It was a siren, yes. A siren, signifying the fact that I have been living in denial and that I have passed the point of no return. Now I am merely a ship, sailing off in unentered seas, without my iceberg, Denial. A place we create in between what is real, -and what is of the past. The comfortable blanket we wrap, unlike a caring mommy, around our own wounds. Only to find that it's a blanket, around us… on a hot, summer, night. What a contradiction, or may I say, distraction. Why do we do this, distract ourselves from the infinite truth? Is it for us to reminisce, as comfort, or - as a safety net, to shield us from the pain of falling from what once was?
So, here I find myself googling: “What is denial and how to overcome it”.
Interesting, I think as I take another sip of wine. Uhm, looking at the fuzzy fading 3 pm sunlight, I think a long stroll on the beach is in order. However, we should address denial, maybe another time.
Your Mystic Muse,
Scarlett
Xoxo
P.S. “Confronting a storm is like fighting God. All the powers in the universe seem to be against you and, in an extraordinary way, your irrelevance is at the same time both humbling and exalting”.
